I threw your keys in the water, I looked back, Theyd frozen halfway down in the ice. They froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners, Even after the anger, it all turned silent, and Then everyday turned solitary, So we came to February. First we forgot where wed planted those bulbs last year, Then we forgot that wed planted at all, Then we forgot what plants are altogether, and I blamed you for my freezing and forgetting and the nights were long and cold and scary, can we live through February? You know I think Christmas was a long red glare, Shot up like a warning, we gave presents without cards, And then the snow, And then the snow came, we were always out shoveling, And wed drop to sleep exhausted, Then wed wake up, and its snowing. And February was so long that it lasted into March And found us walking a path alone together. You stopped and pointed and you said, "Thats a crocus," And I said, "Whats a crocus?" and you said, "Its a flower," I tried to remember, but I said, "Whats a flower?" You said, "I still love you." The leaves were turning as we drove to the hardware store, My new lover made me keys to the house, And when we got home, well we just started chopping wood, Because you never know how next year will be, And well gather all our arms can carry, I have lost to February.
~Dar Williams
and i said that i know who i am. and laughed, self conciously i said people may think im crazy but i know im ok. and i said people arent autists.. i dont take that back, theyre not, theyre just... silly, naive, selfish and if we knew exactly how each of our butterfly kisses caused every tornado we wouldnt have a single nights sleep. i think. but these arent butterfly kisses. theyre so much more.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Thursday, July 08, 2004
woke up curled up on the floor, comfortable between a blanket and a bedsheet except that the blanket was under me, and the bedsheet over my head. soft whispers of female voices talking nearby. the room bright with streaming sunlight, cool with the humming AC. fluffy pink green yellow blue huddles all around, breathing softly. groped around for the cell... 9:25am. sighed happily, pulled the sheet back over my head and went back to sleep.
took me back... all the way to autumn quarter, when all of us used to troop up to the common room to sleep. somewhere in the back of my head, before i left khi for college, i was afraid that i'd have trouble sleeping in a new place for the first few days, because i usually do. never had trouble sleeping here... always tired, always comfortable between good ol' blanket and bedsheet.
hahahahaha.... fresshhiieee :)
took me back... all the way to autumn quarter, when all of us used to troop up to the common room to sleep. somewhere in the back of my head, before i left khi for college, i was afraid that i'd have trouble sleeping in a new place for the first few days, because i usually do. never had trouble sleeping here... always tired, always comfortable between good ol' blanket and bedsheet.
hahahahaha.... fresshhiieee :)
Sunday, July 04, 2004
as we were talking outside it was cold we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter my wife is in the next room
we've been having troubles you know
please don't tell her or anyone but i need to talk to somebody
you said "wouldn't it be a shame if i knew how great i was five minutes before i died i'd be filled with such regret before i took my last breath" and i said "you're willing to tell me this now and
you're not going to die anytime soon"
and i said i haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything and you said yes
but you've been wearing leather and laughed and said we're at the top of the food chain and yes you're still a fine woman and i cringed
i was hoping we could heal each other
i was hoping we could be raw together
we left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said "good-bye sir thank you for your business sir you're successful and established sir and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir and your money"
and when i walked by they said "thank you too dear" i was all pigtails and cords and there was a day when i would've said something like "hey dude i could buy and sell this place so kiss it"
i too once though i was owed something
i was hoping i was hoping we could challenge each other
i was hoping i was hoping we could crack each other up
i too thought that when proved wrong i lost somehow
i too once thought life was cruel
it's a cycle really you think i'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you i think you're insensitive
and i don't feel heard and i said do you believe we are
fundamentally judgmental? fundamentally evil?
and you said yes i said i don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad you said
"well what about the man that i saw handcuffed in the emergency room bleeding after beating his kid and she threw a shoe at his head. i think what he did was wrong and i would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him"
i had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged
i was hoping i was hoping we could dance together
i was hoping i was hoping we could be creamy together
we've been having troubles you know
please don't tell her or anyone but i need to talk to somebody
you said "wouldn't it be a shame if i knew how great i was five minutes before i died i'd be filled with such regret before i took my last breath" and i said "you're willing to tell me this now and
you're not going to die anytime soon"
and i said i haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything and you said yes
but you've been wearing leather and laughed and said we're at the top of the food chain and yes you're still a fine woman and i cringed
i was hoping we could heal each other
i was hoping we could be raw together
we left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said "good-bye sir thank you for your business sir you're successful and established sir and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir and your money"
and when i walked by they said "thank you too dear" i was all pigtails and cords and there was a day when i would've said something like "hey dude i could buy and sell this place so kiss it"
i too once though i was owed something
i was hoping i was hoping we could challenge each other
i was hoping i was hoping we could crack each other up
i too thought that when proved wrong i lost somehow
i too once thought life was cruel
it's a cycle really you think i'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you i think you're insensitive
and i don't feel heard and i said do you believe we are
fundamentally judgmental? fundamentally evil?
and you said yes i said i don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad you said
"well what about the man that i saw handcuffed in the emergency room bleeding after beating his kid and she threw a shoe at his head. i think what he did was wrong and i would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him"
i had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged
i was hoping i was hoping we could dance together
i was hoping i was hoping we could be creamy together
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
i hate you, blank sheet.
youre going to mock me again, arent you? you and those insane black figures on you. youre going to sit there, and mock me.
and i can see my fingers pressing buttons on teh plasctic tablet, like it were the most ordinary thing in the world. and i can see them scratch lead out of wood, as if that too was no big deal. and i can see my eyes...funny thing, to see ones eyes, but i see my eyes looking at a blinking vertical line on a white screen, following its path leaving a bunch of black igures in its wake. and i see my mind comprehend these characters. and so on. we love doing this. like a ugly threesome we play each other this way. se, dancing on her plastic platform, him, feeling the world press down on his eyes and i, lapping up words like a hingry kitten.
she wears a silver ring. she's beautfiful. we shut her in a box the other day, all five feet nine inches of her. coiled up in a little fetal position, her scruffy jeans riding low on her ass, flashing her canary yellow undees, her crumpled whit t shirt bulging around the stomach and the flabby upper arms, her hair breaking free of the neat, compact little bun behing her head. we packed her in, her toes stubby and dry and dirty, in the same old unpretty, unlovely black sandals. we told her we loved her very very much and that she was an amazing person and shut the lid down.
she must have sat there for hours, huging her legs, her arms sanwiched under the crook of her knee, rocking gently back and forth on her behind. she wont cry. she cant. she says she cant, and i belive her. she's different from the other girls because she doesnt run to her mummy and tell. she pretends that she enjoys it. she says it gives her strenght.
i knew her as my little sisters best friend. she used to come over to play all the time, with the clay pots and pans and little wooden rolling pins and rolling plates. and she loved the bunnies in our garden. and the big coconut trees. she didnt have trees, because they lived in an apartment, and we had the bigger house. and my mother used to give her a chocolate, every time she came. and she loved the cuckoo clock in our dining room. and when maliha and her werent playing they watched cartoons in the living room. and when malihas maulvi sahab came for teaching her the quran, i would get to play with her.
she called me bhai.
i told her her panty was crooked.
she asked me, how do you know.
and i said i dont, let me see.
and she did.
youre going to mock me again, arent you? you and those insane black figures on you. youre going to sit there, and mock me.
and i can see my fingers pressing buttons on teh plasctic tablet, like it were the most ordinary thing in the world. and i can see them scratch lead out of wood, as if that too was no big deal. and i can see my eyes...funny thing, to see ones eyes, but i see my eyes looking at a blinking vertical line on a white screen, following its path leaving a bunch of black igures in its wake. and i see my mind comprehend these characters. and so on. we love doing this. like a ugly threesome we play each other this way. se, dancing on her plastic platform, him, feeling the world press down on his eyes and i, lapping up words like a hingry kitten.
she wears a silver ring. she's beautfiful. we shut her in a box the other day, all five feet nine inches of her. coiled up in a little fetal position, her scruffy jeans riding low on her ass, flashing her canary yellow undees, her crumpled whit t shirt bulging around the stomach and the flabby upper arms, her hair breaking free of the neat, compact little bun behing her head. we packed her in, her toes stubby and dry and dirty, in the same old unpretty, unlovely black sandals. we told her we loved her very very much and that she was an amazing person and shut the lid down.
she must have sat there for hours, huging her legs, her arms sanwiched under the crook of her knee, rocking gently back and forth on her behind. she wont cry. she cant. she says she cant, and i belive her. she's different from the other girls because she doesnt run to her mummy and tell. she pretends that she enjoys it. she says it gives her strenght.
i knew her as my little sisters best friend. she used to come over to play all the time, with the clay pots and pans and little wooden rolling pins and rolling plates. and she loved the bunnies in our garden. and the big coconut trees. she didnt have trees, because they lived in an apartment, and we had the bigger house. and my mother used to give her a chocolate, every time she came. and she loved the cuckoo clock in our dining room. and when maliha and her werent playing they watched cartoons in the living room. and when malihas maulvi sahab came for teaching her the quran, i would get to play with her.
she called me bhai.
i told her her panty was crooked.
she asked me, how do you know.
and i said i dont, let me see.
and she did.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
chocolate crumble
you're like cookie dough
small stubby toes and wide eyes.
everything so astonishingly
large from where you look
everything so bewilderingly
new from where you are.
i wish i were
you
when i see your tummy rise and
fall.
wouldnt it be wonderful to be back
home, rocked gently in your
deep quiet ocean
half-familiar voices a
faint mumble
away?
you're like cookie dough
small stubby toes and wide eyes.
everything so astonishingly
large from where you look
everything so bewilderingly
new from where you are.
i wish i were
you
when i see your tummy rise and
fall.
wouldnt it be wonderful to be back
home, rocked gently in your
deep quiet ocean
half-familiar voices a
faint mumble
away?
Thursday, June 24, 2004
A Poem on the Underground Wall- Paul Simon
The last train is nearly due,
The underground is closing soon,
And in the dark deserted station,
Restless in anticipation,
A man waits in the shadows...
His restless eyes leap and scratch,
At all that they can touch or catch,
And hidden deep within his pocket,
Safe within it’s silent socket,
He holds a colored crayon.
Now from the tunnel’s stony womb,
The carriage rides to meet the groom,
And opens wide and welcome doors,
But he hesitates, then withdraws
Deeper in the shadows.
And the train is gone suddenly
On wheels clicking silently
Like a gently tapping litany,
And he holds his crayon rosary
tighter in his hand...
Now from his pocket quick he flashes the crayon on the wall he slashes deep upon the advertising a single worded poem comprised of
four letters.
And his heart is laughing, screaming, pounding
The poem across the tracks rebounding
Shadowed by the exit light
His legs take their ascending flight
To seek the breast of darkness and be suckled by the night...
*sigh*... sheer poetry :)
The last train is nearly due,
The underground is closing soon,
And in the dark deserted station,
Restless in anticipation,
A man waits in the shadows...
His restless eyes leap and scratch,
At all that they can touch or catch,
And hidden deep within his pocket,
Safe within it’s silent socket,
He holds a colored crayon.
Now from the tunnel’s stony womb,
The carriage rides to meet the groom,
And opens wide and welcome doors,
But he hesitates, then withdraws
Deeper in the shadows.
And the train is gone suddenly
On wheels clicking silently
Like a gently tapping litany,
And he holds his crayon rosary
tighter in his hand...
Now from his pocket quick he flashes the crayon on the wall he slashes deep upon the advertising a single worded poem comprised of
four letters.
And his heart is laughing, screaming, pounding
The poem across the tracks rebounding
Shadowed by the exit light
His legs take their ascending flight
To seek the breast of darkness and be suckled by the night...
*sigh*... sheer poetry :)
Sunday, June 20, 2004
i think we were all brought up thinking that one day somebody's going to come along and complete our empty, lost halves. and all the halves in the world will link up perfectly, because at some point in your life, even if it were for just a second, you've met the other half of your soul.
when i think about the half that wouldve completed me, i think about all the people ive crossed on the street, made brief eye contact with in elevators, buses, bazaars. maybe we reached for the same book at the same time. maybe we bumped into each other in school, apologised vaguely and went on, not knowing. because despite knowing all i know today, about myself; my restless, anxious, fidgety soul... prone to running away and drowning her sorrows in a swimming pool or paul simon's voice, prone to cigarette breaks behind the cafeteria, prone to staring out the window and wishing i could pick the loneliest spot in the world and let my heart inhale the huge, vast emptiness of everything.... despite knowing all this, a part of me still wonders if the half can ever be wholed.
its a myth, honestly. all people arent built that way. some of us will find our halves, some will find lesser substitutes, some of us will wonder why the hell we're still so lonely, despite everything. our hearts and our lives are filled by our families, our partners, our children, friends, work... it doesnt just have to be one person.
and for some people, being a wanderlust is such a big part of your personality, that if you were ever to be with somebody, that would mean you would have to change. and nobody, nobody should try to tame a wanderlust's spirit. its one of the most powerful, exciting, beautiful, lonely things in the world. if you love somebody...set them free.
Maria's Song, Sound of Music.
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling, She's a demon, She's a lamb!
She'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle, She is wild,
She's a riddle, She's a child,
She's a headache, She's an angel,
She's a girl
Girl. Respect. ;)
someone in the fishbowl is rolling his eyes and asking me to get the hell back in the car. abhi aaiee. zindagi ajeeb cheez hai, baccha....
when i think about the half that wouldve completed me, i think about all the people ive crossed on the street, made brief eye contact with in elevators, buses, bazaars. maybe we reached for the same book at the same time. maybe we bumped into each other in school, apologised vaguely and went on, not knowing. because despite knowing all i know today, about myself; my restless, anxious, fidgety soul... prone to running away and drowning her sorrows in a swimming pool or paul simon's voice, prone to cigarette breaks behind the cafeteria, prone to staring out the window and wishing i could pick the loneliest spot in the world and let my heart inhale the huge, vast emptiness of everything.... despite knowing all this, a part of me still wonders if the half can ever be wholed.
its a myth, honestly. all people arent built that way. some of us will find our halves, some will find lesser substitutes, some of us will wonder why the hell we're still so lonely, despite everything. our hearts and our lives are filled by our families, our partners, our children, friends, work... it doesnt just have to be one person.
and for some people, being a wanderlust is such a big part of your personality, that if you were ever to be with somebody, that would mean you would have to change. and nobody, nobody should try to tame a wanderlust's spirit. its one of the most powerful, exciting, beautiful, lonely things in the world. if you love somebody...set them free.
Maria's Song, Sound of Music.
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling, She's a demon, She's a lamb!
She'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle, She is wild,
She's a riddle, She's a child,
She's a headache, She's an angel,
She's a girl
Girl. Respect. ;)
someone in the fishbowl is rolling his eyes and asking me to get the hell back in the car. abhi aaiee. zindagi ajeeb cheez hai, baccha....
Thursday, June 03, 2004
i'm sorry i blogged Red Rubber Ball. it's not true. it's terrible being the cause of someones pain and suffering, and im sorry im doing it. i wish i could do something that would make it easier for you, but i can't.
I hope its gonna be alright for you. i hope that the worst is over, now. come out, yaar... it really is a beautiful day. the morning sun is shining....
I hope its gonna be alright for you. i hope that the worst is over, now. come out, yaar... it really is a beautiful day. the morning sun is shining....
Friday, May 21, 2004
the last blog of Spring. dedicated to all of Earth's Satellites.
Home:
where my thought's escaping
where my music's playing
where my love lies waiting
silently for me...
(everyday's an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines and each town looks the same to me the movies and the factories and every stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be... long to be, reminding me, endlessly... homeward bound...)
hang in there, rookies. :)
Home:
where my thought's escaping
where my music's playing
where my love lies waiting
silently for me...
(everyday's an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines and each town looks the same to me the movies and the factories and every stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be... long to be, reminding me, endlessly... homeward bound...)
hang in there, rookies. :)
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Red Rubber Ball- lyrics modified with the permission of the lyricist, who happens to be an old lover.
You should have known I'd bid you farewell.
There's a lesson to be learned from this
and you learned it very well
Now you know I'm not
the only starfish in the sea.
If you never hear my name again
it's all the same to you.
I never cared for secrets you'd confide.
For me you're just an ornament,
Something for my pride.
Always running, never caring,
That's the life I live.
Stolen minutes of my time
were all I had to give.
The story's in the past with nothing to recall.
You've got your life to live and you
don't need me at all.
The roller coaster ride we took is
nearly at an end.
You bought your ticket with your tears,
that's all you're gonna spend.
And I hope it's gonna be all right.
Yeah, the worst is over now,
The morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.
You should have known I'd bid you farewell.
There's a lesson to be learned from this
and you learned it very well
Now you know I'm not
the only starfish in the sea.
If you never hear my name again
it's all the same to you.
I never cared for secrets you'd confide.
For me you're just an ornament,
Something for my pride.
Always running, never caring,
That's the life I live.
Stolen minutes of my time
were all I had to give.
The story's in the past with nothing to recall.
You've got your life to live and you
don't need me at all.
The roller coaster ride we took is
nearly at an end.
You bought your ticket with your tears,
that's all you're gonna spend.
And I hope it's gonna be all right.
Yeah, the worst is over now,
The morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.
everything comes together at once. love you, Aunt Su :)
and once again that time
i feel
my head and eyes
they dont agree
my head
and my body
body, head, mind-soul-brain
pick me up, put be back, put me back
together again.
im a jigsaw that only makes sense to you.
twirl the silver on my finger
imagine what it would be like
to taste the
the rain, again.
break me up, pack me up, take me away
smash and start again.
only you could smash me to peices agian.
what would you say to
her, if she were 75
hairline fracture down her thigh?
would you hold her hand
tell her, honey
you're still lovely
are you watching her, from whever you stand?
at 75, to have someone hold you hand.
someone to smash you down to peices
and them put them together again...
and only you, only you knowing
only you can
fractured mind, body, heart, head, hairline, soul...
come back, come here, come on
wont you make me whole
again?
and once again that time
i feel
my head and eyes
they dont agree
my head
and my body
body, head, mind-soul-brain
pick me up, put be back, put me back
together again.
im a jigsaw that only makes sense to you.
twirl the silver on my finger
imagine what it would be like
to taste the
the rain, again.
break me up, pack me up, take me away
smash and start again.
only you could smash me to peices agian.
what would you say to
her, if she were 75
hairline fracture down her thigh?
would you hold her hand
tell her, honey
you're still lovely
are you watching her, from whever you stand?
at 75, to have someone hold you hand.
someone to smash you down to peices
and them put them together again...
and only you, only you knowing
only you can
fractured mind, body, heart, head, hairline, soul...
come back, come here, come on
wont you make me whole
again?
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
...and its the same story everywhere, all over the place. why women stick with men, despite the beatings, and the abuses and the crap. because just when shes got her hand on the door, he'll touch her. he'll beg and plead and go down on his knees in violent passion, swear if she walks out that door he'll die, he'll simply die. and he will. and just out of decency, out of sheer decency, because she does care, she'll put her dreams on hold for him. a woman loves only when she wants to, when its safe. she can fake it to the point of convincing herself. and in all this terible lie that we live there is no love, only support. only sacrifice, and commitment. the shackles of passion that a man puts on a woman may be made of gold... but theyre still shackles. and she never really cared for gold, anyway. it's the story of my mother, my grandmother... and me, next.
walk like heaven... run like hell.
walk like heaven... run like hell.
Monday, May 03, 2004
do you think Evolution is a plausible way to explain the universe as it exists today?
do you think Evolution undermines the power of or does away with the idea of God?
have you studied/ researched the process of evolution?
(why not? we study creationism before we enter a forum of argument with you... you make it compulsory for everyone in this institution to read Harun Yahya (www.evolutiondeceit.com), why don’t you make it compulsory for everyone to read the blind watchmaker? is the language too technical and high-flown? would you rather have people read the evasive and very often contradictory script of your Islamic textbooks? I must be losing my mind- are you blind?)
i think one of the major causes of disagreement is that creationists... or just about any follower of organized religions... would agree that the main proof of God is that He created Order out of Disorder, coherence out of chaos. God created a system that works.
then again, it depends on what you consider "working" to be. anyone who has studied physics or chemistry at any level knows about the second law of thermodynamics that basically states that the universe tends towards chaotic activity, which is ultimately what the measure of entropy is all about. so, apparently, the universe tends towards a state of complete anarchy- some say it is already in a state of complete anarchy, and that the seeming, temporary "order" of anything is just a blip on the probabilistic map of general randomness.
i mean, at one point in time i suppose it was ok to look at a leaf and admire God in His infinite wisdom, to have provided the leaf with stomata, palisade, spongy mesophyll, the works. and to look at a dolphin and admire the fact that its blood has a high percentage of myoglobin that allows it to stay underwater for extended periods. but leaves and dolphins are dying. their beautiful, elegant structures are no match for even more simple molecules such as CFCs, radioactive substance and toxic waste. the "natural" world is no match for the destruction being caused by the work of one species. is this species "unnatural"? simply put, we're burning out. so what’s so "orderly" about the world anyway, that all it took was one species to wipe it out? it’s beautiful, of course, but so, so fragile.
i guess the world is not immortal. just like our cells and our bones grow old, start dying without replacement, the world grows old too... and that split second of something "happening"- what we like to call the Big Bang... deteriorates into chaos. black holes fragment everything into primordial "goo", out of which- who knows?- maybe another world will be created. maybe the goo will remain for a few billion years and the cycle will repeat.
so what is God? and why do we try to save anything, if there simply is no hope?
because we're human. because ultimately, man created the concept of God, and stuck to it. and man decided that look: we have uselessly weak limbs, no tail, we're so vunerable its like being a bald monkey; highly developed hands and an obscenely large brain that is so perfectly useless that even ten percent doesnt know what to do with itself, so man created Thought. and Wisdom. and Ethics, Law, Values, and Suffering. and all this was so ‘hegemonically’ predominant that we didnt think twice about believing in any of it.
and the funny bit is, belief in God is the ultimate hegemony. its what makes us human. we cant really go beyond that. so existencialsts idiots who talk about Life as if they were somehow detached from it are basically wasting everyones time, including their own. just becuase you may have an idea of what it means to be human doesnt make you any less human. so youd better get used to the whole idea... belief in God, suffering, trying, scraping a living, work buy eat die. and yeah, its worth it. my conscience is too deeply ingrained with the language of good and bad, of heaven and hell, of love, fear, power, existence.
i think it boils down to this- yes, maybe on a large scale things DONT really matter. but we're not a part of that large scale- or conscious existence is a mere 80 years, if we're lucky. coming here, we realise that we're all in the same boat- whether we're good or bad doesnt make as much difference in a realm that we're not so sure about as it does in a realm we are sure about- now. if i kill, it wont haunt me after im dead- itll haunt me now. and if i dont try to make things better for other people, to do my part to ease someones suffering, i wont regret it later, ill regret it now. and God is someone i like talking to about these little things, so sue me.
and religion isnt opium for the masses... unfortunately, its a lot more like oxygen. you can hold your breath ‘till you turn blue, but what are you proving anyway?
sigh.. its ok, jaan. itll be over soon. and if it helps, you can talk to me about it.
a great philosopher once wrote about Gods Final Message to His Creation (God has to be a He, somehow. has to be human, and since we still cling to Aristotlean veiws that testosterone=rationality, the human must be a He. and the great gender bias in religion goes on... MAN this and MAN that. huMAN. woMAN. HIStory. MANkind. all those male prophets. how everyone thinks the holy books were addressed to men. but anyway, god had to be huMAN. i mean, who would you rather talk to about these things- a cat? (would it help if you named the cat 'the Lord'? :) ))
sorry. huge digression. so... Gods final message : "we apologize for the inconvenience".
id give a small, albeit tired, grin. no problem, yaar- all good. it was great while it lasted. and you were so much fun to talk to, seriously.
addicted- to life, love, beauty, morals, faith, ideals, suffering, trying, striving.
and im not even trying to quit. Existencialists exist. I prefer to live.
do you think Evolution undermines the power of or does away with the idea of God?
have you studied/ researched the process of evolution?
(why not? we study creationism before we enter a forum of argument with you... you make it compulsory for everyone in this institution to read Harun Yahya (www.evolutiondeceit.com), why don’t you make it compulsory for everyone to read the blind watchmaker? is the language too technical and high-flown? would you rather have people read the evasive and very often contradictory script of your Islamic textbooks? I must be losing my mind- are you blind?)
i think one of the major causes of disagreement is that creationists... or just about any follower of organized religions... would agree that the main proof of God is that He created Order out of Disorder, coherence out of chaos. God created a system that works.
then again, it depends on what you consider "working" to be. anyone who has studied physics or chemistry at any level knows about the second law of thermodynamics that basically states that the universe tends towards chaotic activity, which is ultimately what the measure of entropy is all about. so, apparently, the universe tends towards a state of complete anarchy- some say it is already in a state of complete anarchy, and that the seeming, temporary "order" of anything is just a blip on the probabilistic map of general randomness.
i mean, at one point in time i suppose it was ok to look at a leaf and admire God in His infinite wisdom, to have provided the leaf with stomata, palisade, spongy mesophyll, the works. and to look at a dolphin and admire the fact that its blood has a high percentage of myoglobin that allows it to stay underwater for extended periods. but leaves and dolphins are dying. their beautiful, elegant structures are no match for even more simple molecules such as CFCs, radioactive substance and toxic waste. the "natural" world is no match for the destruction being caused by the work of one species. is this species "unnatural"? simply put, we're burning out. so what’s so "orderly" about the world anyway, that all it took was one species to wipe it out? it’s beautiful, of course, but so, so fragile.
i guess the world is not immortal. just like our cells and our bones grow old, start dying without replacement, the world grows old too... and that split second of something "happening"- what we like to call the Big Bang... deteriorates into chaos. black holes fragment everything into primordial "goo", out of which- who knows?- maybe another world will be created. maybe the goo will remain for a few billion years and the cycle will repeat.
so what is God? and why do we try to save anything, if there simply is no hope?
because we're human. because ultimately, man created the concept of God, and stuck to it. and man decided that look: we have uselessly weak limbs, no tail, we're so vunerable its like being a bald monkey; highly developed hands and an obscenely large brain that is so perfectly useless that even ten percent doesnt know what to do with itself, so man created Thought. and Wisdom. and Ethics, Law, Values, and Suffering. and all this was so ‘hegemonically’ predominant that we didnt think twice about believing in any of it.
and the funny bit is, belief in God is the ultimate hegemony. its what makes us human. we cant really go beyond that. so existencialsts idiots who talk about Life as if they were somehow detached from it are basically wasting everyones time, including their own. just becuase you may have an idea of what it means to be human doesnt make you any less human. so youd better get used to the whole idea... belief in God, suffering, trying, scraping a living, work buy eat die. and yeah, its worth it. my conscience is too deeply ingrained with the language of good and bad, of heaven and hell, of love, fear, power, existence.
i think it boils down to this- yes, maybe on a large scale things DONT really matter. but we're not a part of that large scale- or conscious existence is a mere 80 years, if we're lucky. coming here, we realise that we're all in the same boat- whether we're good or bad doesnt make as much difference in a realm that we're not so sure about as it does in a realm we are sure about- now. if i kill, it wont haunt me after im dead- itll haunt me now. and if i dont try to make things better for other people, to do my part to ease someones suffering, i wont regret it later, ill regret it now. and God is someone i like talking to about these little things, so sue me.
and religion isnt opium for the masses... unfortunately, its a lot more like oxygen. you can hold your breath ‘till you turn blue, but what are you proving anyway?
sigh.. its ok, jaan. itll be over soon. and if it helps, you can talk to me about it.
a great philosopher once wrote about Gods Final Message to His Creation (God has to be a He, somehow. has to be human, and since we still cling to Aristotlean veiws that testosterone=rationality, the human must be a He. and the great gender bias in religion goes on... MAN this and MAN that. huMAN. woMAN. HIStory. MANkind. all those male prophets. how everyone thinks the holy books were addressed to men. but anyway, god had to be huMAN. i mean, who would you rather talk to about these things- a cat? (would it help if you named the cat 'the Lord'? :) ))
sorry. huge digression. so... Gods final message : "we apologize for the inconvenience".
id give a small, albeit tired, grin. no problem, yaar- all good. it was great while it lasted. and you were so much fun to talk to, seriously.
addicted- to life, love, beauty, morals, faith, ideals, suffering, trying, striving.
and im not even trying to quit. Existencialists exist. I prefer to live.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
todays bone of contention is this phenomena of "chick-lit". "chi-clit". ahan.
as if i didnt have enough issues with "womens" studies and "womens" literature. point is- when will we learn to take ourselves seriously? whats the use of being educated, when you cant go beyond language and worldveiws, out into the realm of "gendered social consructs", and then proceed to decontruct the whole damn thing?
dont ask me whats so annoying about calling someone a "chick". its something that so basic, its difficult to articulate. and to capitalise on it, make it an institution, a bloody career (www.chilcklit.us... Mills and Boon- "chick fic") aarrgh!! spare us your cutesey catch phrases, will you?! i mean, "chick fic"!!! as opposed to what- "dick-fic"? just like Bridget Jone's Diary went form a "chick fic" book to a "chick flick", im going to start calling everything that stars Vin Deisel, The Rock and skimpily clad girls as "DICK flicks". stop cringing. its no less insulting.
finally... just to keep the cow supply in abundance, i like to visit the Fox News website, every now and then. interesting little slogans there, too... these are the guys who gave us the all-time favorite "WAR ON TERRORISM", after all.
so do we call it "Elections 2004"? nahh... too boring. get me something catchier, Bob. alright... hows "You Decide- 2004"? oooh, nice... freedom! liberty! justice! equality! America rocks, man! yeah!
"This moment in Iraq is a moment of truth," Kerry said. "Not just for this administration, the country, the Iraqi people, but for the world. This may be our last chance to get this right. We need to put pride aside to build a stable Iraq. We must reclaim our country's standing in the world by doing what has kept America safe and made it more secure before — leading in a way that brings others to us so that we are respected, not simply feared, around the globe."
-http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,118621,00.html
"One year later, despite many challenges, life for the Iraqi people is a world away from the cruelty and corruption of Saddam's regime," said Mr Bush.
He said Iraqis' "daily life is improving" with more widespread electricity, a stable currency, schools and clinics renovated and reopened and basic infrastructure being rebuilt.
But the president also said: "On the ground in Iraq, we have serious and continuing challenges.
"Illegal militias and remnants of the regime, joined by foreign terrorists, are trying to take by force the power they could never gain by the ballot. These groups have found little support among the Iraqi people."
He said the US-led coalition would "ensure an atmosphere of security" for the handover of limited power on June 30.
"Our coalition supports the efforts of local Iraqis to negotiate the disarmament of the radicals in Fallujah. We've also made it clear that militias in Najaf and elsewhere must disarm or face grave consequences.
"American and coalition forces are in place, and we are prepared to enforce order in Iraq."
He said the transfer of power, which is being worked out by UN special envoy Lakhdar Brahimi, was the second element of the US strategy.
"As the transfer of sovereignty approaches on June 30th, we are likely to see more violence from groups opposed to freedom.
"We will not be intimidated or diverted. On July 1st, and beyond, our reconstruction and military commitment will continue."
Without mentioning the heavy toll suffered in April, which was more than the 109 troops killed during the invasion, Mr Bush said that US forces were "sacrificing greatly".
"Families of the brave troops who have fallen must know that their loss is not in vain. We will finish our work in Iraq, because the stakes for our country and the world are high.
"The failure of Iraqi democracy would embolden terrorists around the globe, increase dangers to the American people, and extinguish the hopes of millions in the Middle East.
"The success of Iraqi democracy would send forth the news, from Damascus to Tehran, that freedom can be the future of every nation."
-http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au
yeah. Decide. Choice. yay.
as if i didnt have enough issues with "womens" studies and "womens" literature. point is- when will we learn to take ourselves seriously? whats the use of being educated, when you cant go beyond language and worldveiws, out into the realm of "gendered social consructs", and then proceed to decontruct the whole damn thing?
dont ask me whats so annoying about calling someone a "chick". its something that so basic, its difficult to articulate. and to capitalise on it, make it an institution, a bloody career (www.chilcklit.us... Mills and Boon- "chick fic") aarrgh!! spare us your cutesey catch phrases, will you?! i mean, "chick fic"!!! as opposed to what- "dick-fic"? just like Bridget Jone's Diary went form a "chick fic" book to a "chick flick", im going to start calling everything that stars Vin Deisel, The Rock and skimpily clad girls as "DICK flicks". stop cringing. its no less insulting.
finally... just to keep the cow supply in abundance, i like to visit the Fox News website, every now and then. interesting little slogans there, too... these are the guys who gave us the all-time favorite "WAR ON TERRORISM", after all.
so do we call it "Elections 2004"? nahh... too boring. get me something catchier, Bob. alright... hows "You Decide- 2004"? oooh, nice... freedom! liberty! justice! equality! America rocks, man! yeah!
"This moment in Iraq is a moment of truth," Kerry said. "Not just for this administration, the country, the Iraqi people, but for the world. This may be our last chance to get this right. We need to put pride aside to build a stable Iraq. We must reclaim our country's standing in the world by doing what has kept America safe and made it more secure before — leading in a way that brings others to us so that we are respected, not simply feared, around the globe."
-http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,118621,00.html
"One year later, despite many challenges, life for the Iraqi people is a world away from the cruelty and corruption of Saddam's regime," said Mr Bush.
He said Iraqis' "daily life is improving" with more widespread electricity, a stable currency, schools and clinics renovated and reopened and basic infrastructure being rebuilt.
But the president also said: "On the ground in Iraq, we have serious and continuing challenges.
"Illegal militias and remnants of the regime, joined by foreign terrorists, are trying to take by force the power they could never gain by the ballot. These groups have found little support among the Iraqi people."
He said the US-led coalition would "ensure an atmosphere of security" for the handover of limited power on June 30.
"Our coalition supports the efforts of local Iraqis to negotiate the disarmament of the radicals in Fallujah. We've also made it clear that militias in Najaf and elsewhere must disarm or face grave consequences.
"American and coalition forces are in place, and we are prepared to enforce order in Iraq."
He said the transfer of power, which is being worked out by UN special envoy Lakhdar Brahimi, was the second element of the US strategy.
"As the transfer of sovereignty approaches on June 30th, we are likely to see more violence from groups opposed to freedom.
"We will not be intimidated or diverted. On July 1st, and beyond, our reconstruction and military commitment will continue."
Without mentioning the heavy toll suffered in April, which was more than the 109 troops killed during the invasion, Mr Bush said that US forces were "sacrificing greatly".
"Families of the brave troops who have fallen must know that their loss is not in vain. We will finish our work in Iraq, because the stakes for our country and the world are high.
"The failure of Iraqi democracy would embolden terrorists around the globe, increase dangers to the American people, and extinguish the hopes of millions in the Middle East.
"The success of Iraqi democracy would send forth the news, from Damascus to Tehran, that freedom can be the future of every nation."
-http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au
yeah. Decide. Choice. yay.
Friday, April 30, 2004
and you're just
fashionably intelligent
fashionably elegant
fashionably rude and insincere
fashionably tacky
fashionably childlike, and i hear
theres a genuine streak of goodness in you.
throw in quasi-pseudo, just to be
on the safe side of you.
yes, but id rather be inside of you and you
understand this, i fear.
and wouldnt it be wonderful to bite your skin
oh wouldnt you
wouldnt you let me in-
side your skull?
wouldnt you rather i fingerpick your nylon nerves to shreds
somewhere deep inside do you dread that you
might just enjoy yourself?
and youre just
fashionably calm
politically incorrect
fashionably on the verge of indecency, desperate.
mythology must mean alot to you
choking, clinging
god, i love you.
fashionably straight.
hahahahahahahaha.....
fashionably intelligent
fashionably elegant
fashionably rude and insincere
fashionably tacky
fashionably childlike, and i hear
theres a genuine streak of goodness in you.
throw in quasi-pseudo, just to be
on the safe side of you.
yes, but id rather be inside of you and you
understand this, i fear.
and wouldnt it be wonderful to bite your skin
oh wouldnt you
wouldnt you let me in-
side your skull?
wouldnt you rather i fingerpick your nylon nerves to shreds
somewhere deep inside do you dread that you
might just enjoy yourself?
and youre just
fashionably calm
politically incorrect
fashionably on the verge of indecency, desperate.
mythology must mean alot to you
choking, clinging
god, i love you.
fashionably straight.
hahahahahahahaha.....
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
my first Pink Floyd lyrics. there's a story. tell you someday...
through the fish eyed lens of tear stained eyes
i can barely define the shape of this moment in time
and far from flying high in clear blue skies
i'm spiralling down to the hole in the ground where i hide
if you negotiate the minefield in the drive
and beat the dogs and cheat the cold electronic eyes
and if you make it past the shotgun in the hall
dial the combination. open the priesthole
and if i'm in i'll tell you what's behind the wall
there's a kid who had a big hallucination
making love to girls in magazines
he wonders if you're sleeping with your new found faith
could anybody love him
or is it just a crazy dream
and if i show you my dark side
will you still hold me tonight
and if i open my heart to you
and show you my weak side
what would you do
would you sell your story to rolling stone
would you take the children away
and leave me alone
and smile in reassurance
as you whisper down the phone
would you send me packing
or would you take me home
thought i oughta bare my naked feelings
thought i oughta tear the curtain down
i held the blade in trembling hands
prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
i never had the nerve
to make the final cut.
through the fish eyed lens of tear stained eyes
i can barely define the shape of this moment in time
and far from flying high in clear blue skies
i'm spiralling down to the hole in the ground where i hide
if you negotiate the minefield in the drive
and beat the dogs and cheat the cold electronic eyes
and if you make it past the shotgun in the hall
dial the combination. open the priesthole
and if i'm in i'll tell you what's behind the wall
there's a kid who had a big hallucination
making love to girls in magazines
he wonders if you're sleeping with your new found faith
could anybody love him
or is it just a crazy dream
and if i show you my dark side
will you still hold me tonight
and if i open my heart to you
and show you my weak side
what would you do
would you sell your story to rolling stone
would you take the children away
and leave me alone
and smile in reassurance
as you whisper down the phone
would you send me packing
or would you take me home
thought i oughta bare my naked feelings
thought i oughta tear the curtain down
i held the blade in trembling hands
prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
i never had the nerve
to make the final cut.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain...
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rain?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain...
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rain?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
i will always return to you.
your name is whispered on the notes of
songs we sang together, in absence.
i will always return to you,
sans fear, guilt, secrecy
your heart being my dark
secret room
tired, endless escape into your lungs
swim smoothly through your veins
fall asleep in the gentle rise
and fall of your chest
you'd carry me around even if
you could barely carry yourself.
and it asks no return,
except all that i give and it
speaks no strange befuddling language of the eyes and the tongue
it just sits, close, warm, compassionate:
beating gently, whispering like trees in the sunshine
this deep, common dialect
of our lives.
-anon, discovered on blather
your name is whispered on the notes of
songs we sang together, in absence.
i will always return to you,
sans fear, guilt, secrecy
your heart being my dark
secret room
tired, endless escape into your lungs
swim smoothly through your veins
fall asleep in the gentle rise
and fall of your chest
you'd carry me around even if
you could barely carry yourself.
and it asks no return,
except all that i give and it
speaks no strange befuddling language of the eyes and the tongue
it just sits, close, warm, compassionate:
beating gently, whispering like trees in the sunshine
this deep, common dialect
of our lives.
-anon, discovered on blather
Monday, April 19, 2004
Part of Your World, Little Mermaid
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Lookin' around here you'd think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see 'em dancin'
Walkin' around on those
Whad'ya call 'em? Oh - feet
Flippin' your fins you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'
Strollin' along down a
What's that word again?
Street
Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
Wish I could be
Part of that world
What would I give
If I could live
Outta these waters?
What would I pay
To spend a day
Warm on the sand?
Betcha on land
They understand
Bet they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women
Sick o' swimmin'
Ready to stand...
And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions
And get some answers
What's a fire and why does it
What's the word?
Burn
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love
Love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world....
in between the usual drivel of positivism and proactivity... the softest, strayest desires for something better... a wisp of a wish, like "far off carnival music", as tenessee williams would put it. like a cool little breeze... and you were so sure all the doors and windows were sealed.
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Lookin' around here you'd think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see 'em dancin'
Walkin' around on those
Whad'ya call 'em? Oh - feet
Flippin' your fins you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'
Strollin' along down a
What's that word again?
Street
Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
Wish I could be
Part of that world
What would I give
If I could live
Outta these waters?
What would I pay
To spend a day
Warm on the sand?
Betcha on land
They understand
Bet they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women
Sick o' swimmin'
Ready to stand...
And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions
And get some answers
What's a fire and why does it
What's the word?
Burn
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love
Love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world....
in between the usual drivel of positivism and proactivity... the softest, strayest desires for something better... a wisp of a wish, like "far off carnival music", as tenessee williams would put it. like a cool little breeze... and you were so sure all the doors and windows were sealed.
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