smokerings

sometimes i cant talk to you any more.
sometimes you're bouncing along on a wavelenght completely not my own.
go through the long list of all the beautiful places youve been and you'll notice- my world wasnt one of them. i never went where you did, and you never came here. and that hurts.
i cant talk to you anymore when you speak of things that i wanted to see, but never will.
i cant even live each moment through you, because all i want, so passionately, is for each moment to be mine.
and i can already feel us drifting. i can already feel myself ashamed. if i ever thought we were even remotely the same then i was flattering myself.
and i was wrong.
you're my window to things better than what i have, and theres no way of getting out so id sometimes rather just close the curtains on you.
when you speak, please keep the condescension out of your voice.
i know im not as good as you are, and that i will never be as good as you will get...
but you're my friend. you're not supposed to remind me of these things.
and yet you do.
time, and time
again.

i realise that im holding you responsible for my insecurities.
maybe im not asking you to do anything.
maybe im just telling you the way i feel.