smokerings

thank god ibad came up to me last night and said "fuck, dude, i dont know why im doing this anymore"- waving a sheaf of linear algebra notes in my face. yeah, i know. ghotki was the same. fucks you in the head, so many people gone like that.
last night i ran back to the dorms to get the blanket and sweater i had left in the room. shandana had told me to get people from the dorms to help pack the stuff, but there were very few people in the dorm. since most were out on campus, i assumed there would be tons of volunteers at the collection-packing thing too. i was pretty surprised to see only a handful... made me wonder what everyone else was doing. bhai bethey they, guppay maar rahey they... you couldve just come n helped. people did show up later.. and i realise several of them were with the blood camp.
also cheered me considerably to see so much stuff... people have really given from their hearts. top quality LAS jackets, blankets, clothes. well, maybe not sooo much, but a lot. and i know more will come, i know there are great people out there. those who will step up and donate blood without a second thought, help in any small way they can. trying to push disappointment out of my mind and believe that we have what it takes to come together as a community. disappointment like salma saying "aww.. this sweater is too cute to be worn by a kashmiri kid" and disappointment like the religious society not lifting a finger, a freaking finger to help any of us. they hold prayers. oh god. trust God to come into everything and FUCK peoples minds over. you'll sit for three goddamn hours in that mosque for fucking tarawih and feel self-righteous, but you wont come and pack some clothes up so that the people actually helping these people have an easier time. disappointment like compo and writing today- thought sara was going to break down, but i could feel her frustration. ma'am, i think one i reminded through these things of Gods supremecy.... and miss, i know people can help themselves... i mean, theyre already so poor, they cant need much aid, can they? wiasey, dude, where ARE the 09's? bhainchod nazar hi nahin aarahey, except for the odd one or two. i KNOW 5-fucking-hundred of you were admitted... is this not cool enough for you?

you find yourself working with all sorts of ideas and politics you never thought you would. you have the sense to keep your reservations to yourself. and just do it. let what happened affect you, realize that very little else matters, at this point.